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Come visit Casino, bring a fork

Come visit Casino, bring a fork
The Northern Rivers shithole of Casino is called that despite the fact that the closest it gets to an actual casino is the pokies at the RSM, making it the most misleadingly-named town since Woodenbong or Bigtitti. In an ironic twist, Casino has actually been banned by the New South Wales government from acquiring any more gaming machines. The town is more accurately known for cows - Casino claims to be the country’s ‘Beef Capital’, or ‘the Rockhampton of Australia’. In fact, Casino has such a boner for beef that it is considering changing its name to Cowsino.
Casino celebrates its beef fetish in three major ways: by regularly filling the town with the fragrance of rancid offal from its local meatworks; by legally restricting all food in the town to meat pies; and by holding an annual Beef Week which attracts bloodthirsty bogans from all over the immediate area. Casino Beef Week, which is actually 12 days long because Casinoans don’t know what a week is, features events such as the Beef Week pageant for the most bovinesque lady, an orgy of animal abuse called a ‘rodeo’, and an orchestrated stampede of cows down the main street before a parade runs directly over all the fresh cow shit.
The town’s main non-beef-related tourist attraction is the Platypus Pool on the cow carcass-filled Richmond River, where visitors can see the abominable cross-bred beaver-ducks in their natural habitat. While in Casino, it’s highly likely that you’ll be approached by local bums begging for booze or meth money - but don’t give them any, they’ll only spend it on beef.

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